Many years ago, we critters were the sole owners of the land you know as Big Cat Rescue. In the early 1990’s this blonde woman began looking around our acreage. After a number of visits, she started planting trees and building wire gymnasiums. We squirrels were thrilled at her thoughtfulness and concluded that she loved and admired us!
Unfortunately, our enchanted paradise became a critter’s worst nightmare when she moved bobcats – WILD CATS – into our gyms! We were horrified as many of our star athletes were snatched right out of the air in the middle of their acrobatic routines! In order to warn all manner of local and visiting wildlife about the presence of these feline assassins, we formed a secret fellowship known as the Critter Alert Network (CAN).
Over the years, as larger and more dangerous predators were brought to our fair land, CAN evolved into a combination spy and news agency dedicated to eavesdropping on these carnivorous killers and reporting on happenings around our territory. Eventually, we even developed an intelligence-sharing agreement with the big cats, though they refused to sign unless the clause prohibiting squirrel stalking was removed. (Note to self: When said agreement comes up for renewal, we need a stipulation that our concession to provide daily enrichment for the cats means we are entertainers, not mini-meals.)
CAN remained underground until early 2017 when LaWanna, BCR’s social maven, became ill. Her mission is sharing our stories, pictures and videos to detect felinophiles who help provide for our food and lodging expenses. Since that benefits all of BCR’s critters, we determined it would be in our best interests to pass on life-saving health advice from the big cats to LaWanna (see Mar 19, 2017 report.) Now that CAN has revealed itself to this select group of BCR lovers, correspondents from the Critter Alert Network will report on breaking news from our homeland… whenever it fits our needs.
Nut-tasha T. Squirrel
Critter Alert Network Founder
(Sent by Carol J.)
01.21.18 – Overlooked on National Squirrel Day!
01.29.18 – Squirrels Overlooked Again!
02.19.18 – Emergency Warning About Aphrodite!
02.22.18 – Nut-tasha’s Warning About Vacation Rotation
02.22.18 – Nut-tasha’s Warning About Vacation Rotation: “Attention squirrels of vacation rotation enrichment committee! For your own security, please immediately review my prior bobcat rehab broadcast. I must give kudos for outstanding entertainment to the batsquirrel on duty today. You definitely had the beast’s attention, however, since Priya and now Keisha are proving more dangerous than most, please change your floor routine to one with a higher elevation. Perhaps a 10 foot whack-a-squirrel or trapeze performance would be more appropriate. Since the killers are being so aggressive, I hereby rescind the rule against acorn projectiles in VR.”
03.24.18 – Nut-tasha T. Squirrel on Shamrock Bobcat’s Stuffed Animal: I am touched by the concern over the mistreatment of a stuffed squirrel in Shamrock’s cage, however, we approve of the use of body doubles in the rehab area. Those cats are the most ruthless, ill-mannered felines in the land, so batsquirrels agreeing to perform on the rehab enrichment committee receive hazard pay. Really, have you heard the snarls that come out of those kittens? They will snuff the life out of anything that enters their cage. So, to satisfy these bobcat snuff-ers, the use of stuffie snuff-ees was written into our contract with the cats in the Death Mitigation section.
03.27.18 – Nut-Tasha T. Squireel on the Return of Shamrocks Stuffie: Afton the Appropriator and Kathryn the Confiscator put the snatch on Shamrock’s stuffie snuffee yesterday. He was pilfered, purloined, and dare I say, squirrelnapped. The Critter Alert Network immediately hired Kats Catz Morekatz and a Rat, and Shamrock’s snatched stuffie snuffee, was returned within the hour. CAN has decided not to press charges since no ransom demand was forthcoming, and today’s resulting 4-minute video of Shamrock the Snuffer torturing our body double apparently delights the felinophiles who keep all of BCR’s critters fed. What a sneaky, stealthy snatch that was!